Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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