This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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