I smell stomach acid.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
