(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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