last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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