i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
