I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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