I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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