That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Can you bring me the toilet please
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
