Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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