I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
