i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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