he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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