I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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