By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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