I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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