Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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