Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
