new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am naked and annoyed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
