I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
