So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
