At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm passing your future prison.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
