I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
