I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
