You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
