so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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