Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
