this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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