this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
