Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
and she was petting her beer can
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
