Say something about gay babies.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
