Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Randomize
