i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I will pee on everything he values.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
