Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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