I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Duck Duck Cougar?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
