Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
