so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
