i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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