She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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