just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
