what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
