it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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