Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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