I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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