I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
