Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
