Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
