I wish I only lived at night.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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