i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
