And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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